The Winterrose Chronicles, Volume 08: You're Not Gonna Make Me Shave.

The man has no idea about ANYTHING having to do with pop culture. He doesn't even know that Britney kissed Madonna. Which I'm SURE is something he'd be interested in.

He doesn't watch TV or listen to the radio. (I too don't watch TV..but my "not watching TV" is more like your dad sitting on the recliner "not napping" but just resting his eyes.) He thinks all male actors are named "Tom Selleck". He does not know the difference between Ben Affleck, Ben Kingsley, or Benicio Del Toro. He thinks Weird Al is a GOD and was confused when he heard his songs being "covered" by other artists, and upset that they changed the words.

That's just how he is. I've tried to educate him. I introduced him to Les Mis, Camelot, West Side Story, Garth Brooks, NSync, "Monk", "The Office", I've tried to get him to watch a James Bond-(HELLO Danial Craig!)-movie with me and I FORCED him to watch a John Wayne movie. I've totally tried to broaden his horizons.

But alas, my efforts are fruitless. He thinks he's being clever and showing off his pop culture skills when, if I ask him to do something for me, he replies "Certainly Little Lady" in a what he thinks is a John Wayne accent. The grin he gets on his face after saying this to me is much like the proud grin you'll get when your child picks you flowers...from the neighbor's yard. He's so proud of himself but I can't NOT sit him down and talk to him about what he's just butchered.

I was reminded again of his non ability to understand life's basics as I was listening to "Shameless" the Billy Joel song Garth Brooks covered.

"Well I'm shamelessWhen it comes to loving youI'll do anything you want me toI'll do anything at all."

I have listened and sang along to this song for years. Edward has listened to it with me many times before..MANY TIMES!

WTH?! "What do you mean?" I was totally confused. It came out of a lefter field than usual. I was unprepared for what came next.

He rewinds the CD..which you don't really "rewind" but whatever. "See right here he says "I'm shaving..I'll do anything you want me to, I'll do anything at all."

He could tell I didn't understand. To help me out he goes through the whole song and explains it to me. You might need some meds after you read this next bit...it's messed up.

"And I'm standing here for all the world to see, oh baby that's what's left of me." He's singing about how his chin is naked now and everyone can see his face. "I don't break easy I have my pride but if you need to be satisfied I'm shaving" See, she's demanding he shaves his beard and becomes less manly! Girls always want to CHANGE you! "I'm shaving, swore I'd never compromise oh but you convinced me otherwise I'll do anything you need" SEE?!? She used her "womanly wiles" to make him do what she wanted."

Me, trying to keep from laughing and be serious so I can discover how deeply he's thought about this song. "I've never thought of it that way."

Him-"I have never let anything have this much control over me. I've worked too hard to call my life my own....I can't refuse, I've never had so much to lose. I'm shaving" See? He's been growing this beard for YEARS!! And now she's making him shave it off!"

Me- "Yeah I see what you mean..it was probably long like those ZZ Top guys." (He knows about ZZ Top because of that "Legs" song...and when I say "song" I mean video. It was much shown to him by friends when he was a kid.)

Him- "I've never lost anything I ever missed, but I've never been in love like this It's out of my hands. I'm SHAVING!" See right here he's saying he's really gonna miss his beard but he can't say no to her. He's whipped. See how he says it's out of his hands..I'm shaving? This is where he's cut it off and can't rub it anymore when he's thinking."

Him, getting frustrated that I don't understand the song. He getting pretty passionate. "It's out of his hands?!?" And right here it says "I don't have the power now, I don't want it anyhow" Women do that to you. They date you and act like they're all dainty but then after they reel you in they go for the kill and you have to do whatever they say.

"So I gotta let it go" A man likes his beard. You look forward to shaving as a kid but then when you realize you can grow a BEARD you stop. And this woman is making him shave it all off!!"

"I'm shaving, Shaving as a man can be" She's emasculating him and he knows it. "You could make a total fool of me." Oh and she is! "I just wanted you to know that I'm shaving" He wrote this whole song to let everyone know this woman has taken over his life and that he didn't shave because he wanted to.... But because SHE MADE HIM!"

He looked pretty triumphant at this point. The evidence had been laid out. He was the clear victor.

Me- "Yeah I can see that. Can I tell you something that's gonna throw you for a loop and possibly change everything you think about this song? *Dramatic Pause* He's not saying "shaving" he's saying "shameless". Soooo do you have these feelings yourself? You feel like I emasculate you?"

About Buffy Winterrose:

I am a reasonably wonderful person who enjoys reading, snacking on addictive foods, and the sound of the dishwasher running when I know I wasn't the one to fill it.

I'm a room mom, PTA Queen, and sometimes I even go out and earn money just for kicks...and money.