Just Call Me Tire Girl

By Buffy Winterrose

Last week I asked Edward to get the snow tires on the car because we were driving up to "The City" the next day and the forecast said it might snow.

He wasn't going to do it so I set off to accomplish the task.

Here's the thing. Guys, or maybe it's just my guy, have a tendency to store things is stupid places. Just because it fits is not a good enough reason to put it there..you know what I mean? (That's a double entendre isn't it? Huh, moving on..)

So I go into the garage of manliness and I behold the snow tires.

Four of them together. Neatly stacked on a shelf.

Four feet above my head.

With the garage door supports in the way.

I noted that the snow tires for the truck were stacked five feet off the floor as well. Let's talk about this for a minute shall we? Tires are heavy right? Tires with rims on them are even heavier. So it would behoove a person to store them in a much lower location..like say...the floor..or a bottom shelf. And to perhaps save the high up spots for things like painting supplies... or that Rubbermaid container of maternity clothes you'll never wear again because they were ugly the first time and if there's gonna be a second time you will NOT be wearing the "pregnant grunge" look, for it! You know...stuff like that.

I knew that the truck's snow tires were on rims so I used my extraordinary deductery powers and claimed the unrimmed tires for the car. Seems reasonable yes?

I had my pseudo willing child get a stepping stool for me. She brought me one that made me six inches taller. Helpful. Actually after I got on it I realized a taller stool wouldn't have been much better.

So I got on my "stool of snow tire retrieval" and gave it a go. Here are some of the thoughts I had while trying to get them down;

"There is no way they can go OVER the garage door supports..so I'll have to slide them out from under."

"Damn!"

"How the hell did he get these up here and wedge them in so tight?"

"DUDE! This is like childbirth!!!"

"Maybe if I angle them sideways I'll be able to..."

"Hold on a tick..is there a BOX wedged in on the same shelf!?"

"Ahh yes, the tile cutter machine doo hickey. THIS is the perfect place for it." I believe I rolled my eyes involuntarily at his point.

With great effort I took the tile machine off the shelf. It was a feat. Then I was able to angle the tires in such a way that they could be wrestled off the shelf. Once I got the first two tires out the other ones were pretty easy. It took me about 45 minutes to get them down and it was with a very self congratulatory heart that I set off for the tire store to have them put on.

I was an amazing woman who knew how to swap the tires on her car! I may have been doing the "Go Tire Girl, It's Your Birthday" dance. I admit to nothing.

So I arrive at the tire store and ask them if they can swap them for me. I was very confident and I'm sure at least one of the guys there looked at me with awe and envy in his eyes. And, really, who wouldn't?

After they were done I drove away like the hot, tire swapping girl I was!

I dropped off the swapped tires at home, probably to be impossibly stacked by my husband, and went out with my girlfriends.

The next day as we are getting ready to drive to "The City" the man notices something.

There are two different size tires on the car. The ones on the left side are a whole hell of a lot bigger than the ones on the right side.

Which would explain the noise I heard as I was driving on the freeway. There must have been two guys putting tires on it or they would have noticed too. My blind grandma would have noticed! (I'm sure the tire store guys were too distracted by my bosoms of wonder.)

Guess what? The four tires that were unrimmed and all together like they belonged together? Two of them were snow tires for the truck. It seems the truck tires mated and now there are 6 of them. That'll teach us to put them in a dark garage unchaperoned!

The other two car tires were on top of the lawn mower in the way back of the garage. Cause that's a perfectly storagable place to put them.

So I had to go back to the tire store the next day and admit my folly. I was no longer singing "Go Tire Girl". I was not looked at with envy or awe. It was more like, "I bet a woman put those on without a man to properly supervise her"

They didn't charge me for changing over the tires. I thanked the tire guy several times for this.

I left something in the backseat and got it out while they were working on the tires. I heard a guy say "Can you believe anyone would think these go on the same car?!?"

I dusted off my "stupid woman driver" hat and waited humbly for them to finish.

I hate that hat.

I married a guy that likes boobs. I've got 'em. Our love should last forever.

I have a daughter who thinks I'm the best mom ever! (She doesn't get out much.)

I'm a room mom, PTA Queen, and sometimes I even go out and earn money just for kicks...and money.

Fame is all I'm looking for..and jeans that make my bum look super fly.